The Poetry of Mark Daniel Milbocker 
Guinan 1

My heart lays under 2 feet
of dirt, my mind filled
with light and dark flashes
I see her in my every
thought, carefree, yet
I know not where to find her.

My soul reaches out for
her warmth, can't believe
she isn't there...where?
No sound, no eye-sparkle
no tremble, no softness.
I know not where to find her.

The now, the memory, 
they mix in frantic searching
disbelief, anger, nefatic rage
what cannot be is, and who
should be here is not.
Sorrow fills me, yet
I know not where to find her.


She rests now, as part of me
fades - dim, cold, warmed
only by the pain of loss.
I should be thankful,
garnering fond memories to
put away in a box.
But where shall I find her?

Am I to let go?  what is it
that binds me so that all
the world is meaningless,
eclipsed by this dark hour?
I could smile at these phantoms
of joyful romp and eager whine
but they are not real -
Where shall I find her?

Her love was the sweetest balm
to bitter days, and the spice
of better days when the sun shone.
Where is my guinan?  my friend?
My ever-ready-to-love companion?
I reach out in blindness,
remembering, searching, calling
her to come...yet,
I find only grief.
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©2008 Mark Daniel Milbocker  All rights reserved.